Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
