dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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