Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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