If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
