I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh god it's open bar.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
