I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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