The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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