They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
