You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
