Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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