All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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