sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
