i don't like sucking hair
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
