I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
