Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
