So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize