I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
