I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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