I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
