Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
