An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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