I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
