You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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