My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
