If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize