naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
