"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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