maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
