marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
