I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
