Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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