you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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