I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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