please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
