I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
