"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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