I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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