I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In America we eat man semen.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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