just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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