My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
