My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
