Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize