Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
