Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
