woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
