What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
