Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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