She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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