The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
