am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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