So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
