Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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