First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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