my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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