Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
