One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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