How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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