good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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