I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
