Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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