I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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