i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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