he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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