I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
