I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
True strength comes from lack of pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
