i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
