I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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