Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
