all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
