guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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